As you might by now be aware, the first 22 episodes of this blog are the text of my ebook, 'How To Become A Crack Addict' (Jan to April 2013), which you can buy on amazon, should that appeal. From then on, it's the daily movements of yours truly, Benjamin of Turnham Green. So here, as promised, is today's movement.
'What else makes you want to use?' asked the drug-worker.
'Sex, man, women,' said the bloke in the chair next to me.
The drug-worker was happy with this, because it was honest.
'Being angry,' said a woman across the room.
Worker liked this too, and was writing the list down on his whiteboard as we all coughed up some virtuous self-perception.
'Having money,' I said, and this too was jotted down.
A couple more suggestions, and we all began discussing how to see a trigger coming, what to do when it's 'on us', where to go, who to call, how to breathe, be, find the right tool for the job. Suggested coping methods ranged from 'knock one out' to 'phone a friend' to 'write an affirmations list' to 'get to a meeting' to 'go to bed', the last of which didn't go on the whiteboard, for some reason.
Drug-worker drew a human person on his flipchart, which he placed on the floor, and we were required to label the parts of the body affected when a trigger hits. I labelled the pocket, where the cash-card would be, just waiting to be wasted, without a thought for the consequences, first bloke drew an arrow pointing at the region of the groin, and angry lady put steam coming out of its ears. The figure cut quite a caper, down there on the carpet, peppered with body-parts and cartoon-eruptions, and looked like a prime candidate to be stuck in a two-dimensional world for ever, knowing only long, languishing lows, fleeting highs, flatness, fear, and the smell of black marker.
Drug-worker facilitated a very, his words, 'honest and constructive' discussion about what triggers are, how they're different for different people, and how we can find ways to sit them out, help them pass, etc.
Then I went and scored with cock bloke and angry girl.
And that is all I have to say today.