Hello, thank you for dropping by. As you might know, the first 22 posts of this blog (Jan to April 2013) are the text of my ebook, 'How To Become A Crack Addict', which you can read here or buy on amazon, if you do that kind of thing. Nowadays, this blog is the fairly frequent musings of me, Benjamin of Turnham Green, along with some of my artwork and music. So, here is today's musing...
I met myself on the 94 bus. I got on at the usual stop, on my way to the coffee-shop I frequent. Two stops along the way, I got on again, but I didn't look so great, bit shabby and stooped, pasty-looking I'd say. I sat down in front of myself, not having noticed myself in the seat behind. And I couldn't help wondering what would happen if I introduced myself to myself, which I then dared to do. 'Hello,' I said, 'it's Ben, isn't it?' He turned politely, I'm relieved to say, but there was a steeliness in his eyes, like the shutters that come down when the chemist's shut. His cheeks were mottled, there was a spot by his mouth, and a slight flakiness to the tip of his nose. 'Been out and about?'
I knew I was teasing him a touch, but he graced me with a reply all the same. 'I haven't had a particularly good time of it lately,' he murmured discreetly, and I knew the tone, I felt it, as if my own throat was still moulded to recite the phrase without resistance. 'Have you been using?' I enquired. I knew I'd hate this question because, when I've been using, I hate being asked if I've been using. 'What do you think?' he snarled, and even I was surprised at the acidity in his tone. 'Well, I'm guessing you have been,' I surmised, trying to self-counsel, 'but don't despair, because I haven't used for some months now, somehow, and I can only guess that if I can do that, you can too.'
'Yes, I guess so,' he agreed, trying to give off an air of one who's listening, and may even have just had a small epiphany. We fell quiet for a second or two, and he pressed the bell for the next stop, one before the coffee-shop, where I was to alight. I was tempted to get off too, but, apart from the fact it would have looked a bit strange to onlookers, I knew that I would be tempted to go where he was going, and where he was going, I knew, might kill him, and therefore me.
And I didn't want a suicide and a murder on my conscience.
And that is all I have to say today, apart from here is my most recent song, which you may or may not enjoy... The World Is Full Of Whores
Thanks for dropping by.